Finally, there is one deserving winner for My 2012 New Years Resolution - An Article Writing Contest! Congratulations to white witch Hi_D! Our task, let's ponder her heart-written resolution:
I want to be Human
By White Witch Hi_DHave you ever asked yourself the definition of New Year’s Resolution? As an Engineer, I would have defined ‘resolution’ as the measure of digital quality of an electronic system. But who am I kidding, right? Certainly not you. In writing this article I first had to know what New Year’s Resolution really means. An online encyclopedia, wikipedia.org defines it as the commitment that an individual makes to one or more personal goals, projects or the reforming of one’s habits. Very rational, isn’t it? But have you ever defined this so called resolution in your own perspective?
A lot of people creates this simulation by changing their lifestyle such as to quit smoking, avoid drinking too much, or stop cheating on their wives, while others don’t believe in it at all.
Allow me to introduce to you a person who didn’t believe in New Year’s Resolution. I was very curious and was wondering what ‘her’ opinion about New Year’s Resolution was. So I asked her if she has a New Year’s Resolution. She answered, “I don’t believe in it. People only use those words to escape their imperfections.”
Then I asked her a different question, “Even if you don’t believe, how would you define New Year’s Resolution?” She didn’t answer right away. She was baffled and it took her three days before she could respond and I think her answer is the best one I’ve heard so far. I would like to share it with you. But first let me tell you how this lady came up with that definition.
I’ve known her for my whole life. She is this one person that I thought who was very strong that no matter how many times she fell, she always got back up. Her whole world seemed so battered. She cries but she never weeps. She had seven relationships, which were all failures. She recently had a break up with a more-than-two-years-relationship. She had been through so much and now her family seems to be breaking apart because her parents are having issues. And I believed she was strong until she told me, “I’m not really strong.”
It was a shock for me to hear her realization. “If you’re not strong, what then?” I had to ask. Despite the things that push her down I’m quite impressed with how she could push back up. But now she’s telling me that she’s not really strong.
I was surprised with her answer. “I’m numb,” she said.
NUMB, yes, that was the word and the exact definition of what she really feels—nothing. It never occurred to me until now that the strength she was showing was actually numbness. She had been hurt for so many times and now she fears getting hurt again, which is why she forced herself to hold back on her emotions. To hold back even on love. To act like she doesn’t care even when her world is falling apart.
I remember back in college we had a religion course. The topic ‘To become fully human’ was tackled. Becoming fully human was becoming like Jesus. Struck down and beaten to death, yet he offers no hate but only love.
To reject pain and suffering is like rejecting one’s own humanity. And she was rejecting all her being.
At this point, you might be wondering who in the world I’m talking about. Some of you might have already guessed it.
Yes, she is me. Sound crazy? I know. But sometimes I do talk to myself. It’s a normal thing. It makes me realize that I don’t know myself very well. It makes me judge myself the way I would judge others and see my own imperfections. And this time I just saw my biggest imperfection. Through all the pain, I have become numb.
I’ve never really thought about having a New Year’s Resolution before. But now I’ve even figured out its better definition.
New Year’s Resolution is one’s commitment to becoming human.
It is human to fear, yet it is also human to be brave. If you do not fear, then you can never be brave.
Becoming human is not as we Filipinos say, “Sorry, tao lang (Only human).” But it is as the Americans ask, “What would Jesus do?”
It is human to be tempted, yet it is also human to be strong and restrain against temptation.
It is human to cause mistakes, yet as humans we must also take responsibility.
By writing this article I have truly realized that for the first time in my life I want to have a New Year’s Resolution.
I am afraid but I will be brave. Instead of staying on top, I want to fall then get back up.
I want to feel.
I want to weep.
I want to be human.
The Twist 2012 - Secret Revealed!
I and Ed had a talked about this couple of months from now, from the result of The One-Week Self-Evaluation Activity, the plan has came out naturally, I told him it's because we are dedicated for it. The secret - not much really, but SB Community will rule SB! From now on your voices matter! A detailed plan will be posted tomorrow, for now let's celebrate New Year! See you soon guys...
Image Credit: Sarunyu_foto / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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